I have dubbed 2010 as my year of freedom. Freedom from fears, insecurities, jealousies, lusts, and so much more.
This all began in April 2010 when I began opening my heart up to a few close people. Ever since I can remember, I've kept my emotions and feelings bottled up inside of me. Every once in a while, it would become to much for me, but I still kept it to myself. I just cried it out. In April, I opened up to my Mom about what was going inside of me-about how scared I was of people, getting a job, driving, doing missions work, going to college, being by myself...anything you can imagine. She suggested I get prayer at church, which I did on April 11th. Yup. I have all the dates down. :) Michele Jahne prayed for me and continued to pray for me as I struggled through my fears.
April 24th I attended a Beth Moore simulcast called(ironically), "So long insecurity, you've been a bad friend to us". I learned so much in those few hours, and God began to set me free from insecurities I've struggled with for so long.
April 30th-31st I went to Denver with my youth group for Acquire the Fire. Freedom reigned there as well. God showed me places in my life where I needed to change, people I needed to forgive, and that I needed to take off the fake mask I was wearing.
During the month of May I wrote an essay for school, but also to let people "see" my struggles and my heart through writing. See, I communicate so much better at writing than through speaking. Throughout the summer, my sister in law, Ashley, and sister, Mary Kate read it. It made me feel so joyful knowing that others knew what I was going through and that they didn't condemn me like I thought they would. Through this, I learned that Satan had me in such a strong bondage because of my silence. Keeping everything to myself made me so weary and ashamed. When I started to speak up(or write), his grip on me loosened.
The summer held many struggles for me; however, through these struggles I learned so much and was freed even more. Mexico in July was amazing. I was so blessed by the people I met from Colorado and so blessed that my relationships with them have continued. In Mexico I really got out of my comfort zone which was incredible for me.
At the end of August, I received my first job at Maceys in the produce department. At first, I was sooooo nervous and scared. But after a while I got the hang of it and made a few friends. For the last four months while working, I stayed in my little shell, but little by little I'm making more friends, talking to more people, and getting out of my comfort zone. I even make announcements over the intercom!
And my fear of driving is slowly diminishing, especially as I am almost at the finish line-I'm planning on getting my license by March. This year has been so amazing. I am a completely changed person, and my journal is proof for that!
My relationship with Jesus has strengthened so much over the past year, which is good since that's my New Year's Resolution every year. Yup. Just one resolution. To grow closer to my astounding Savior. He is amazing and so surprising. I LOVE living for Jesus.
I pray that this new year holds even more than last year held, for you too.
"The enemy has been defeated, death couldn't hold you down. I'm gonna lift my voice in victory. I'm gonna make your praises loud." Hillsong United
