Comfortable America

Paul: He spent every day bringing glory to God; evangelizing to Gentiles and Jews alike; every breath was centered on Christ and the Great Commission, to bring the good news to the whole world. His whole life(after his conversion) was dedicated to the cross. When I think of Christians these days, I have an ache in my heart. We are so selfish. We claim to love Christ and claim that our whole lives are his. But are they? Shouldn't we be spending every day evangelizing and preaching? In America, we're just so focused on ourselves and materialism. We are so focused on getting that perfect whatever... Even if it's cheap, do we really need it? Couldn't we give that money to someone in need instead of spending selfishly on our selves? We have enough! we don't need more! It kills me. It makes me so angry and sad. I want to change it, but I feel so helpless. I want to be like Paul, but in America it seems so impossible. I don't understand it fully. I don't understand how I can change it when I can't even speak what I feel. When I can't even write or pray what I feel. I don't understand. This life is so confusing.

I read about lives being changed and churches rising up in places like Peru and Afghanistan and India, and I want to go there. I want to preach the news there since lives are changed there. Maybe it's cuz it seems like lives don't change here in America. Teens go to conferences like Acquire the Fire and are changed for a couple of weeks or months, but then they get sucked back into the life they used to live. I want to live in a place where you can't get sucked back into that because it's poverty stricken and there's nothing to get attached to like malls and the internet and what not. But then I feel selfish because maybe God wants me to stay in America and spread his news where it's even harder to spread...I really don't know.

I'm not trying to judge(since so many people get so defensive on that subject). I do the same. I spend my money on things I don't need. I'm too comfortable here. I don't want to live in comfort anymore. I want to go away from comfort, from America. But maybe God doesn't want me to go away? I know it's possible to be uncomfortable in America. Very possible. But the comforts are always near... I hate it. Ugh.

You may not even understand what I'm saying. all these thoughts come to my mind and I try to write them down as fast as I can, but they get all jumbled. Sometimes I don't even understand myself. :)Hopefully you'll understand though.

These are houses if you can believe it. That's what I can't stand.And this is a church. It doesn't have a coffee shop or a book store or flashing lights. It doesn't even have a bathroom. This church is huge compared to the previous one. They are so thankful for it. They are thankful that it won't be flooded or destroyed due to the retaining wall behind it. They are thankful that they have boards as a ceiling instead of card board like their last one.