College....

In my freshman year, I started thinking about college. By the middle/end of the year, I had "decided" on doing CollegePlus, an online program that lets you obtain your Bachelor's degree by the time you have graduated from highschool. By my sophomore year, I knew that God didn't want me to be headed in that direction. See, the big reason I wanted to do this was because of my fear of the unknown and my fear of people and, honestly, my fear of pretty much everything. I wanted to stay at home in Stockton in my tiny little comfort zone. But, thankfully, God set me straight. :)
During my sophomore and junior years, I researched Bible colleges because I felt God leading me towards a Bible college. I knew it would be scary to go away from home, but thinking He wanted me to do this, I decided to obey in spite of my fear. By the middle of my junior year, I had decided on Calvary Chapel Bible College in California. This Bible College has courses in youth ministry, missions, and Spanish, all of which I wanted to study. It's inexpensive, pretty close to home, and the theology is very similar to mine. For over a year, this was my decision. Anytime someone asked me where I was going to college, I told them, "Calvary Chapel Bible College". I was super excited for the entire thing: for the beautiful campus, the small college "population", the dorms, the location, the courses....everything. Then......in August(2010) I, just for fun, got on the college website and began talking to someone from the college about the courses. At that time, I found out that there were no youth ministry courses, and the spanish course was not very in depth. So my decision flew out the window. I felt....terrible? scared? anxious? stressed? hahaha...so many different feelings. Since then I have been researching tons of Bible colleges. Everywhere; from Cali to Indiana to Kansas. All kinds of different theologies, however, none "way out there". All different prices; from $23,000 a year to $7,000 a year. There were so many options, and I had no clue how I was ever going to decide. I felt like God wasn't near me at all;like he had deserted me. Good thing, I don't follow after my feelings, eh? I even began questioning whether or not God still wanted me to do youth ministry and missions or whether he wanted me to do something else. Then even more options came up, such as urban youth ministry or church youth ministry....As you can see(maybe), it has been quite the stressful two and a half months, especially since I have been working 32 hours a week and studying super hard for my ACT. But right now, I feel very peaceful. And I'll tell you why!
I THINK my plans have turned around in a circle. They went from going to Bible College in a different state, being independent, having my own friends, being away from home, pursuing youth ministry and missions, and being in a Christian environment to living at home for PERHAPS two years, working part time, buying a car, HOPEFULLY getting more involved with the leadership at the youth group at my church, taking a bigger responsibility in the Mexico missions, and get this, getting my Associates Degree in Spanish at Salt Lake Community College. This is all a big MAYBE. Please, don't say, " I told you so". I've been scared to tell people this because I think they'll say that to me. :) I always told my family I would never work at Maceys. Guess where I work? Then I told them I would never go to SLCC. Guess where I might be going? haha..I love it! I'm still waiting on God to see if this is what he wants me to do. And it's pretty cool, because even though I'm putting my degrees in youth ministry and missions on hold, I'll still be pursuing them at home, just in a different way than I thought! And I'll be able to keep my relationships with my "bible study girl's" and hopefully be able to do more with them since I'll have my license and a car. And the funny thing is, Micah might be doing dual enrollment at SLCC next year, so we'd be all cute and ride together. haha. like I said, I love it! and also like I said, it's a big maybe. I don't have to decide right now anyway. The deadline for colleges are in July. One of the biggest reasons for not doing a Bible college is money. I refuse to get into debt over college like so many people do. And I don't have the money that Bible colleges require. This way, I'll be able to save up a lot of money, and if God wants me to go to Bible college later on, I'll have the funds.
My theory is that, right now, there are way too many possibilities out there that I could do, and I think it's to soon to decide "what I want to do with my life" or what God wants me to do with my life. Staying at home for a year or two and slowly getting out on my own, maybe by then I'll know what to do or where to go.
If you got this far, thanks for bearing with me. This whole topic is super confusing for me in my brain, and getting it out on "paper" is even more confusing. :)